This holiday season, what`s at the top of every "little" lady`s wish list?
Posted Wednesday, December 5, 2007 to GOSSIP > Celebrities
Posted by
Mike Roe, Copywriter
Jewelry, flowers… shapewear!!! At least that’s what a famous, Beverly Hills plastic surgeon claims.
I’m back, and I’m using exclamation points more than ever! It’s my new thing! My old thing (talking with dermatologists and plastic surgeons)? Still doing it. In fact, I just talked with a Connecticut plastic surgeon about something I think you'll find pretty interesting... more on that in a moment. Back to me!
Wow, it’s been a while! Okay, so the last time we talked, I had just arrived at the hospital after my 1-hour “Total Body Do Over” at the payday advance/“med spa” (UpgRade!) in the strip mall across the freeway from my house. Anyway, the one eye that the emergency room doctor was able to “salvage” has finally opened up again and I’m back at home, livin’ it up, retiree-style!!! And like other bedbodies, I’m addicted to the Home Shopping Network, aka HSN. That’s not necessarily a bad thing because…
The great thing about HSN, besides the convenience of shopping from the comfort of a fully adjustable, electric, at-home hospital bed, of course, is that Home Shopping Network is on 24/7/365, and there are NO commercials! The other great thing is that it’s like a non-stop parade of your favorite stars–Suzanne Somers, Susan Lucci, Tori Spelling, Miss Tina, Esteban, and Robert “Dr. 90210” Rey. And, during the holiday season, boy, both the network and the stars present patients convalescing from home with an endless array of quality product and convenient payment options.
Anyway, unless you’ve been living without cable in a room in the corner of your mom’s basement (come on, dude, it’s almost 2008… get cable already!), you’re already quite familiar with Dr. Rey. He’s an author, lecturer, artist, motivational speaker, medical broadcaster, film consultant, actor, plastic surgeon and “youthifying” shapewear designer. And he’s only 46! Now, don't try and pull me down into the hole (basement) you’re living in just because I’m 39 and still live at home. Not going to work, because after my dance with “Total Body Do Over” death, I’m a new man… literally… one with a lawyer who’s going to sue UpgRade! for all they’re worth! Then, my friend, I’ll be moving up in the world… into a ground-level addition I’m going to build onto my mom’s house. As I was saying…
Dr. Rey mentioned several times during his 4 segments that women want jewelry, flowers or shapewear for the holidays. Now, I’ve never thought about giving a woman (my mom) shapewear, but then I thought, why not? I mean, there’s no way that I can take advantage of Lexus’ “December to Remember Sales Event”… yet. I can’t buy her a diamond that will last forever… yet. And, I can’t buy her plastic surgery… although, believe it or not, many people do indeed gift plastic surgery this time of year.
In fact, The New York Times reported that in a survey of nearly 100 surgeons conducted by the American Academy of Facial Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery (AAFPRS), 49% had seen patients in 2004 who received surgery as a gift! While this was a 31% increase over 2001’s numbers, according to a little research of my own, the top gifts for women today include “trendy CDs,” chocolates, scented candles, perfume and a cuddle blanket. Obviously, I’m not giving my mom a cuddle blanket (in her case, cuddle tarp). Anyway, as she’s pretty large, I thought maybe plastic surgery would be a good gift. First, I checked out HSN for plastic surgery. No go. Before wasting anymore time, I thought, maybe I should get a plastic surgeon’s opinion.
I called Dr. Singer, the Connecticut plastic surgeon I mentioned earlier. Turns out, gifting surgery isn’t the best idea, because as the NYT article pointed out, many people who receive the gift of plastic surgery feel compelled to use it to please the person who gave it to them, often overlooking the risks of surgery. And, obviously, one should never have plastic surgery to please another person. Even I know that.
Thank goodness for the Connecticut plastic surgeon! Because, frankly, until my settlement money comes rolling in, I’m broke. I suppose I could scrape together $40 and order Dr. Rey’s Shapewear High-Waisted Shaper Brief, but I do have my doubts. I mean, she wears a 3X (and he sells a 3X), but I have a hard time believing the “youthifying” shapewear will youthify her much... although I’m pretty sure it will help us squeeze her into the earth when the time comes.
In closing, with the holidays upon us (and after my “med spa” incident), I’ve been thinking a lot about what I’m thankful for. As soon as I come up with something, I’ll post it here. In the meantime, I thought I’d leave you with this quote from Dr. Rey (from cosmeticsurgerydotcom):
“In thirty or forty years, when I stand before my creator, and He asks how I served mankind during my time on earth, I want to have something to say. He is probably going to say, ‘I gave you the opportunity and the skills, so what did you give back in return?’”
Shapewear.
Happy holidays.
Mike
P.S. Seriously, I am thankful for something. I’m thankful that I have cable so that I can watch HSN. And, I’m thankful that my mom believed me when I told her that I needed cable, because along with my WebTV, it would empower me to find a new economy job. So, thank you, mom! This blog's for you!
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