Now Where Did I Put Those Breast Implants?

Posted Thursday, May 29, 2008 to PROCEDURES > Breast

Posted by mmoore

A recent story circulating in the British media mentions that someone left breast implants on a London bus, one of the many strange items left behind in the busy rush of one of the world's biggest cities. The lost and found also included such items as a harpoon gun (call me Ishmael, anyone?), gas masks (Children of Men, anyone?), a suitcase full of cash (Deal or No Deal, anyone?) and Inflatable Dolls (going to fess up and claim these, anyone?).

The story gets clicks because (if people are anything like me) they wonder how someone could leave behind breast implants. They're not easily swapped in and out, right? My curiosity was piqued especially because as someone who works with plastic surgeons across the country who offer breast implants in Seattle, breast augmentation in Houston, and breast enlargement in Indianapolis, I know how hard it is to lose a pair of breast implants. Surgeons work with extreme precision to place implants so that they will remain in an attractive position for years to come.

Of course, the implants that were left on the bus had not yet been used for a breast enlargement surgery, and were probably being transported from a doctor's office to a hospital setting where the surgery was going to take place. That's just speculation, but I don't know too many surgeons who just keep a spare pair of implants in their wallet in case of the need for an emergency breast augmentation.

If it was indeed a doctor who left these implants behind, you have to wonder a little about his/her attention to detail. Reminds me of the surprisingly often times that surgical instruments are left in a person after surgery...only to be discovered months later when the unsuspecting patient sets off the metal detector at the airport even after being stripped down to their skivvies.

Let's concoct a much more favorable version of events: a doctor is on her way to the hospital for a breast augmentation procedure, implants carefully secured in their proper package. About a mile from the hospital, she looks out the window and sees an old man convulsing on the sidewalk. She leaps into action, shouting to the bus driver to STOP and running to the man's rescue, performing emergency brain surgery with some dental floss (someone in England has to floss, right?) and a spork from the fish and chips place across the street to extract the tumor that has caused the man's seizures for over 15 years. Then, a rainbow appears, and the doctor is hoisted up and paraded through the streets, unable to get back to her breast implants.

Obviously, I'm joking. But the fact is that breast augmentation is serious business, with well over 300,000 enlargement procedures performed in the U.S. each year. If you are considering breast enlargement in Indianapolis, San Diego, Upstate New York, or wherever you call home, be sure to ask prospective surgeons many questions to assess their surgical skill and fine-tune your expectations and goals. And if your town has a pretty good public transit system, you may want to give them a call too, to get the names of any absentminded surgeons who have claimed breast implants from the lost and found box.

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