Top 10 signs your “med spa” is a joke… and bad one at that

Posted Wednesday, October 24, 2007 to PROCEDURES > Skin

Posted by Mike Roe, Copywriter

Plastic surgery Phoenix… that’s right, people, I’m getting right to it… right here, right now. There's no time to waste, because what I’m about to tell you must be said… must be read. If you read nothing else this week, read this. If you can’t read, find someone who can read it to you. Now.

If a “med spa” called UpgRade! (formerly the dive bar, Raged Up!) opens in the “rebuilt from the roof up” strip mall across the street (interstate) from your house, stay away!!! If said “med spa” promotes itself with a drawing/contest for a “free” cosmetic treatment, don’t enter!!! If you already entered and you somehow win the drawing, you’ve lost, unless you heed these…

Warning signs that your strip mall “med spa” may not be all that:

10. They sell lotto tickets
9. When you enter, the staff is alerted to your presence by a couple of forks taped to the door
8. When you enter, you hear someone frantically say to the others, Ssssssh!
7. They offer something called the “Total Body Do Over”
6. There’s a Golden Tee arcade game in the corner
5. Their billboard out on the interstate says, “Truckers Welcome!”
4. "Buy nine injectable treatments, get the 10th FREE!"
3. When you ask about laser hair removal, they sort of chuckle, and go, “Yeah... laser”
2. They have a CoinStar machine
1. The magazine collection in the lobby includes an issue of Playboy… from 1989

Honestly, I thought the CoinStar machine was fate… as you ladies like to say, meant to be. Long story short, I got the Total Body Do Over, which in my case consisted of a hair cut and color (and perm), a manicure, laser hair reduction, mole removal, something called lipodissolve, my chin and cheeks contoured with some filler and something called, “Like BOTOX® Cosmetic, But Maybe Better???” (yes, the three question marks were actually part of the product’s name). The entire procedure took less than an hour. I arrived in a rented limo. I left in an ambulance.

The good news?

Besides the fact I don’t need to look for a Halloween costume seeing as I look like the unholy spawn of the Elephant Man and that lady from Twisted Sister? At least, that’s what my mom says… my eyes have yet to open back up, what with all of the swelling. The good news is you don't have to go through what I'm going through.

The last couple posts, I told you all about professional skin care products, right? Right. I told you practically everything you need to know about laser hair removal, right? Check. I told you I have man boobs, right? Thought so. Real quick, I told you I’m not a doctor, right? Good. Although I’m not a doctor, I have talked or corresponded with cosmetic and plastic surgeons, as well as dermatologists from San Diego to Denver to Fresno. Take the advice from those posts. I didn’t.

I wish I would’ve called this Dr. Cohen… he performs plastic surgery in Phoenix, because he isn’t that far away, and I would've liked his opinion about these strip mall "med spas." Besides, have you seen this guy? If you’re considering a Total Body Do Over or just want the advice of a guy with an Ivy League education, board certification and experience with cosmetic and plastic surgery procedures, then you should see him. I mean, look at me. Don’t look at me!

Mike

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